People Forget Or They Just Don't Know

And I aim to fix that.

The greatest band ever--no, the greatest thing ever--is the Grateful Dead. Shit, even I forget sometimes. Shame on me. But my (cl)aim is true. And I'm fonna tell you how. And why. Because if I don't, nobody else will. I feel like Homer (not the one who says "D'oh" but the one who wrote the Iliad and the Odyssey), for I seek to transfer that which is aural and oral (not to mention visual) into the written word.Now this is gonna take some time, dig. Don't expect it all here, now. It could take months or even years. Actually, it should take a long time. For the moment, allow me to slap you in the face with something that your brain will want to call hyperbole but I will show you is fact: the Grateful Dead are as good as or better than the following: Seinfeld, The Howard Stern Show, Bob Marley, Star Wars, Michael Jordan, Star Trek, beer, The Simpsons, no traffic on the 405, Pink Floyd, Tiger Woods, the Moon landing, Kobe's alley oop to Shaq in the 4th quarter against Portland in game 7 of the Western Conference Finals (but not better than Kirk Gibson's home run), Godfather I and II, the movies John Hughes directed from 1984 through 1989, Barack Obama, The A-Team (when you watched in 4th grade, not now), Babe Ruth, television, Television, The Wire (I've only seen the first season so far, but some things I just know, ok?), Sprinkles cupcakes, In 'N' Out Double Double Animal Style, and Zachary's Pizza.

I know I've left a lot of things off this list, but that's probably just some stuff you care about that means nothing to me. Just know that I dialed back the hyperbole a little bit in the previous paragraph, because truthfully the Grateful Dead is better than all of those things. Combined. Then squared. Then multiplied by pi carried to as many places as Mike Brown has memorized (that's a lot of places. like 3.14159265358979 many places).

Also, I didn't want to blow your mind. That's their job:








Not mine.

Mark my words: when I'm done with you, you're either gonna agree with me or wish you did.

Believe it.