Cooking Chicken The Icecreammang Way

I'm no whiz in the kitchen, but what I can do, I do well. Like cooking chicken. How well? I won't order a chicken dish in restaurants because my chicken is superior. So superior, in fact, that I don't care how a chef wants to prepare it [fried chicken doesn't count because it's really about the frying and I don't currently have chicken-frying capability].

Then again, it's not fair to compare myself to most restaurants--they have to worry about health safety and probably over-cook chicken out of fear. Which leads me to my secret:

Don't cook chicken one second longer than you have to--and you don't have to cook it as long as you might think. As soon as ALL the translucent-pink flesh becomes opaque--boom! you're good to go. Yes, even if it's pinkish. You could let it go just a tad longer, until it's just become white--but no longer! The key is constant attention. You can't be half-stepping here. No tv, no phone, no FaceSpace. Wait too long and you may as well have baked that shit in the oven like it was the fucking 1950s in Des Moines. No sir!

Chicken prep? Minimal. Why? Let's face it, you're an American, so you're gonna throw some sort of sauce or condiment at it--why waste effort on marinating? Liberal but not excessive application of Worcestershire sauce and Lawry's Seasoned Salt, anywhere from 5-20 minutes before cooking. I cook it on the stove top, in a grilling pan, with a little bit of olive oil (or if I've switched out Worcestershire for soy sauce, sesame oil), only enough to coat the pan and prevent sticking.

That's it.

What you get is chicken so tender you can't believe it. And what you don't get, if you constantly monitor it, is salmonella.