Top Shelf Entertainment, Tomorrow Morning on Fox Soccer Channel

Arsenal and Manchester United square off tomorrow in the first battle between any of the Premier League's "Big Four" (Arsenal, Man U, Liverpool, Chelsea; so named because they have finished in the top four spots without exception for the past several years).

There was a time when Arsenal and Man U players would butt heads in the tunnel on the way out onto the pitch, when some players (allegedly) threw pizza at the opposing manager, when an otherwise even-tempered veteran ran up to and screamed in the face of an opponent who just missed a penalty shot. Ah, good times.

The tenor is more subdued now, and the managers share more than a modicum of respect for each other. Nevertheless, both the teams are capable of playing fluid, exciting football. Arsenal especially are on fire right now, having scored 10 goals in their first 2 Premier League games.

The old adage is that the League isn't won or lost in August (or September, or October), but everybody knows that a decisive result will serve notice to the rest of the League that the winner is for real.

Arsenal's Spanish superstar, Cesc Fabregas, is listed as 50/50 for whether he'll be fit enough to play. Obviously this is a big match, and you'd love to have your biggest playmaker, but the following week holds the prospect of international World Cup qualifiers. If Fabregas is fit enough for tomorrow, he's fit enough for Spain. And if not really, really fit, then maybe he might make his injury worse by playing tomorrow and next week. I hate to evaluate things so conservatively, but Arsenal's squad is a bit thin, esp. in central midfield. As (almost) always, the manager, Arsene Wenger, knows best.

I'd look for striker Robin van Persie to come up big tomorrow.  Of the 10 League goals, none have been scored by a striker.  Van Persie will want to get on the sheet sooner than later, and perhaps United will focus too much on Arsenal's midfielders.

I'm sure there are some pertinent things to be said about Man U, but fuck them. They lost the best player in world, the poncey gel-slicked Portugeezer Christiano Ronaldo, who fucked off to Real Madrid for bags of cash (literally--I think they're putting bags like this in his locker every two weeks. They also lost a talented Argentine, Carlos Tevez, who fucked off for similar bags of money--though not as far as Ronaldo, Tevez went to hated crosstown rivals Manchester United, much to the delight the Gallagher brothers (the Champagne Supernova chaps, not the feuding watermelon smashers. As for black Gallagher, I'm not sure how he feels about it.)

Tomorrow's match is on Fox Soccer Channel at 9 a.m. Eastern. The pub in Manhattan that draws all the footie watchers, Nevada Smith's, is showing it on tape delay at noon, after having already shown Chelsea at 7 and Liverpool at 10. I have visions of a drunken, crowded clusterfuck, so I think I'll stay home and bite my nails in silence and solitude, thank you very much. I'll save the pub for the inglorious mid-week matches against the likes of Wigan or Birmingham in the middle of the season.

Yes, it's 6 a.m. out West. That's what Tivo or lesser cable company dvr's are for!

And if, somehow, you miss it, the English Premier League Review Show airs on FSC on Sunday at 5 p.m., sometimes 6. It's an excellent way to keep abreast of the results and see the best plays of the week.

Cheers!

And say a prayer for poor Liverpool. Their fans are hanging their heads right now, fearing their season is over...even though it's still August. Buck up, chums! It can't get worse...can it?